Day 5 started by us being woken by a chap from the train nudging us to let us know that breakfast was ready. Despite being in a compartment which was not very wide and certainly not long enough for my full gangliness, I slept pretty well. Maybe the beers helped. Mrs Tom however says that she didn’t sleep so well. Swings and roundabouts eh. Breakfast, as we had opted for “western” rather than “Asian” was eggs, some funky sausage things cut into flower shapes, pineapple, ham and some bread, with coffee and some squash. Not too bad, but the sort of food I would normally shy away from. Having just began to regain my appetite I hoped for the best and knocked it back. Mrs Tom though ate relatively little.

The train pitched in to the station around 9 having been scheduled to arrive an hour earlier. Apparently it doesn’t go above around 50 km/h (actually) so it’s not quick, but it was quite fun. Also fun was the tuk tuk ride from the station to the boarder. The tuk tuk can comfotably seat 4, but not 4 with at least one massive bag each, but that’s what we did. One with Barry, Gaynor, Darren and Rafa, the other with Steven, Summer, Mrs Tom and myself. We watched with delight as Rafa climbed on the back of the tuk tuk in front and the whe thing tilted backwards, front wheel in the air. Having managed, somehow, to cram us all in and get going, the tuk tuk drivers decided we needed visas, which we already had, so stopped us at a roadside establshment where they apparently try to hard sell you visas. We quickly told them politely we were fine thank you very much and moved on to the boarder.

Immigration, it seems, is shit no matter where you go in the world. Things always seem to take far longer than they need to and this was no exception. Once through, we fill in some sort of “honest guv I’m not ill or nuffink” form which entitles us to a delightful little card stating as much, and we soon board our bus. Rafa fills us in with some facts along the way and I remember what he told us during our welcome meeting. More bombs were dropped on Laos during the Vietnam war (though Laos did not partake) than were dropped worldwide during the whole of the second world war. This turns out to be around one bombing run every 8 seconds. For 9 years.

Driving through Vientiane you wouldn’t think it was the capital city of the country, and with only around 134,000 people it’s obvious why. There is a relaxed, slow pace about the people and their movements. They are quiet and extremely polite, and staff in shops, cafes, bars and restaurants are eager to please. We go for lunch before check in as we are a little early and the food is great, and the coffee very good too.

After check in we meet with (again proununciation only) Tui who is our local guide for the small tour of Vientiane. A very enthusiastic man, Tui is a pleasure to be with. We start with tours of temples – Wat Si Saket, Wat Phra Kaew and Wat Si Muang (?). Tui talks us round the interesting artifacts and gives us all the information we need to be able to take in the history of the beautiful temples.

We move on to Pha That Kuang ‘World Precious Stupa’ which is an enourmous gold monument. Stupas are usually small and contain the remains of the cremated dead, but here they are on a different scale. The main piece of the monument is the largest, surrounded by 30 smaller Stupas. We walk around it having climbed around halfway up it, again Tui filling us in.

Patuxai is next, also known as the vertical runway. This looks a lot like the arc de triumphe in Paris, and has its nickname because it was built in 1969 with cement donated by the Americans which was supposed to be used to help build the new airport. Tui tells us there are 147 steps to the top (I started to count but got lost so I’m afraid this important fact goes unverified) and we climb every one of them for a fantastic view of Vientiane.

I’ve missed something. Yes, definitely. Oh yes, the singing, that’s it. On the way to Patuxai Tui asked if we would like to hear some traditional Lao singing. Silly question, of course we would. He began singing about Luang Prabang, but was interrupted by the untimely arrival of our final sightseeing destination, so he continued once we re-alighted the bus. Once the song had finished and we had given a deserved round of applause, he asked if we knew Michael Jackson. So he sang us some snippets from his favourite Michael Jackson tunes. It was a great end to a great little excursion.

Dinner was at Makphet. Makphet means chilli in Lao and is part of the Peuen Mit Street Children project. It is kind of like the Fifteen project started by Jamie Oliver. Children are educated and taken off the streets and taught to cook wonderful modern food in the restaurant. We had a great dinner here and left a tip which goes directly to the students. There is also a shop which sells gifts made by the parents of the children who work in the restaurant where a couple of our group, including Mrs Tom, bought gifts for folks back home.

After dinner Rafa took us to a bar which was close to the river. Aprehensive as we walked through the door, after climbing a few flights of steps we stepped out into quite a nice, but heavily westernised bar. The music was stuff that we recognised and the drinks and food menus reflected the western influence too, and as a result many of the people in the bar were non Lao folk, but we still had a good time. Rafa and I spoke about a number of topics including religion and football holiganism and I thoroughly enjoyed it. In Italy they don’t see hooligans as jus being troublemakers, the term also refers to those who organise the singing, banners and flags which are such an impressive feature of Italian football matches.

We meandered back to the hotel trying to follow Rafa’s directions (he had retired a little earlier). With myself and Darren up front we were doing our best to navigate the streets of Vientiane and get us back to our hotel. Thankfully at last everyone seemed to recognise where they were, though I wasn’t convinced as I didn’t recognise it at all, but we did managed to get back and retire safely.

Day 6 breakfast was a nice late start as today was essentially a free day. Rafa had asked if we would like to visit the COPE foundation (though this was not on the itinerary) and having all agreed we had decided to leave at 10:30, giving us all a nice lay in. I plumped for the traditional Asian breakfast of rice noodles with pork (very nice, though even the staff gave me funny looks for which I couldn’t work out why), and Mrs Tom took the safe option of omlette.

Though I slept ok, Mrs Tom didn’t. There is a construction site right next to our room, and our bathroom has windows which separate our room from the site only by mesh to keep out the flying nasties. They also start cleaning the rooms very early (around 6:30), and the site starts playing their radio at around 7. Seemingly everyone else doesn’t suffer the construction noise in the same way, so we’ve rather shat out there.

COPE is a palce where they make prosthetic limbs for people who have suffered the consequences of the disgusting and needless bombing campaign by the Americans during the Vietnam war. Close to 600,000 bombing runs were made by American planes to bomb Lao, each resulting in hundreds of “bombies” being dropped and several large scale destruction missiles. A bombie is a small bomb around the size of a cricket ball containing explosives and in some cases ball bearings.

Around 30% of bombs dropped failed to detenate, and remain live and armed all across Laos. Because of the nature of the climate and the rainy seasons, as well as the 30 years that have passed since the war, many are covered and hidden. Farmers trying to make honest work lose their lives and limbs, children find bombies and play with them and find the same ends. There is also the illegal scrap metal trade. People can earn good money for the trade of scrap metal, so adults risk their lives, in different cases both aware and ignorant of the dangers they face, digging up bombs for sale as scrap. Children do the same trying to earn money for their families. Sadly this causes the loss of many lives every year.

The economic result is that Laos cannot grow. In order for construction, farming, infrastructure building to all take place, people have to put their lives at risk because of the possibility of encountering bombs. Another fact which I did not know was that this bombing campaign was referred to as “the secret war” as it was hidden from western people for 6 years. Even then very little information about what was happening made it back to the west.

At the end of the film we watched a young boy says “the bombs do not belong to us, we want the Americans to take them back.”

It was also explained to us that although primarily COPE provides limbs (and specially customised wheelchairs) for bomb victims, they also assist those who need their help because of accident or illness. Please look them up, they sell merchandise and you can donate to them, they do an amazing job.

After lunch we took a walk of the markets to wear off our food before going for a traditional Lao massage. The markets, if I’m honest, were not my cup of tea. An indoor complex consisted of many many stalls where you can buy everything from household goods to food, clothing, jewellery, white goods etc. It was a bit smelly in places and there were plenty of flies around the meat stalls, so we finished up looking around and set off for our massage.

Rafa had recommended a particlar place, so after a bit of guesswork with the map we found it. They could only accomodate 3 at a time, so Summer and Mrs Tom went in whilst Darren, Steven and myself went for a drink. The girls gave good feedback so when it was our turn Steven (who had never had a massage before) and I went in, and Darren opted out (also never having had a massage before), deciding he could do with a sleep instead.

The massage itself was not quite what I expected, though still very enjoyable. It was a bit of a test of my body’s elasticity as there was a lot of twisting and stretching with some quite intense finger work on all the different muscle areas. I was convinced Steven had nodded off as there was a rather intense snoring noise coming from very nearby, but he assures me he heard it too, so someone else was clearly very relaxed. We left with enough time back at the hotel to have a little nap before dinner.

We gathered in the lobby and set off for a short walk to our dinner destination. Most of us found the menu system awkward but we eventually all chose something. Mostly the food was enjoyable, and Mrs Tom and I had a lovely time chatting to Gaynor and Brian. We all drank a little more than we intended to, including some laulau whiskey, a very smooth but exceptional tasting clear whiskey which though it doesn’t taste so was apparently around 40-50%.

Thankfully Rafa was able to lead us back to digs to avoid any recurrences of our unplanned travels from the night before.

Day four begins with what for us is an early start, needing to be up and ready by 9am, including having all of our things packed. We manage this, as well as making breakfast, and meet with the others to leave on our private boat tour of the river and canals.

Our local guide, whose name is pronounced (though defintely not spelled) “On” tells us about the history of the river, how it used to be the border of Bangkok and how the King ordered the kinks to be straightened, where the navy bases were, where the royal barge museum was, and many other wonderful facts about Thailand’s River of Kings. We even had time to stop to feed the catfish, buying some bread from some locals to entice what looked like hundreds of catfish to the surface for a tasty snack.

Once out of the boat we were guided to Wat Po, a temple and site of an enormous reclining Buddha, 46 metres long. On guided us around the different parts of the temple wonderfully, filling in the facts and painting the history for us. Having visited the Grand Palace without a guide it was great to have one with us to give a local perspective on things.

On left us after the temple tour and all of our group except for Summer went to the main shopping centre to see what we could see. Not a great deal to interest us as it turned out, though it was quite an impressive place. I did manage to get some clippers to get the old toenails in order which had sadly been left just a little too long for good taste. As it transpired, Summer had had lunch with On our guide and had a great time, and had imparted yet more of her local wisdom over lunch. Summer was left very impressed.

Darren, Steven and Summer all took the boat back (not sure what Barry and Gaynor did) whilst Mrs Tom and I got a cab back with a rather enthusiastic Chelsea FC supporting cabbie who was full of fun and laughter, so the trip was a good one.

Once back at the hotel we had a nap and then went down to the pool where I sat in the shade and Mrs Tom went for a swim. Darren and Steven joined us at the poolside, Steven opting to join in with the swimming. I think if he’s honest he’d say it was too bloody cold the same as I did. As it turned out Summer was having a massage overlooking us, where we’re told only one part of her was left untouched by human hand. Yeah.

At 6pm we gathered for our bus to the station, where we deposited our bags with Rafa on the dirty platform (I think the trains are diesel fuelled) and went to get some food for dinner. We all took Rafa’s recommendation of a Thai place but none of us knew the system. We had to buy coupons for meals (don’t understand why) and then after much queuing and uncertainty, we were able to place our orders and eventually receive our food. I think I was the only person who got something completely different from what they ordered, but it wasn’t too bad. In true form Mrs Tom managed to spill a large amount of her food on herself.

Once aboard the train we settled into our seats and began chatting and got into good spirits. Rafa ordered some beers (getting to like this chap) and after a while we moved down to the bar carriage. This was nothing quite like I’d ever seen before. All carriage windows were fully open, and people were smoking, drinking, eating and generally having a good time in what at best is a grotty train carriage with a few tables and chairs. This is where we spent the remainder of the evening until we were asked to leave by the man in a police uniform. To this moment though Rafa has still not returned. Quite what he has that the rest of us don’t I don’t know, though he was in conversation with a Thai man so perhaps he has been excused the formalities we were subject to.

Mrs Tom and I met a couple of other tourists who it appeared at first were travelling together, but had only met on the train. A German man called Benjamin and a Dutch lady whose name I can neither remember properly, or likely spell if I could. Both were travelling to the same destination, the Dutch lady to spend three months away without plans, and Benjamin to kayak down the river from Luang Prabang around 3-400km. Fine, you might imagine. Assuming he’s got the right experience right? Well Benjamin has only ever really been kayaking on calm flat waters, not really white water, which is apparently quite a large chunk of his trip. And lots of rocks in the river too. Good luck Benjamin, I hope you make it ok.

So now we are all in bed (except for Rafa) and looking forward to our first day in Laos. Depending on how people feel in the morning, we can either do the tourist bit tomorrow or the day after. Right now I think it’s only likely to be Rafa that may want to put things off…..!

Sawat dee krap, Thailand.

This morning we again awoke around 4am, but after half an hour or so awake managed to sleep in til 9. Deciding on breakfast today we went down to check out the offerings, though my stomach still felt as though there was precious little room in it. I just had some fruit, and Mrs Tom had some pastry thingy and some weird other bits and bobs, of which there were plenty on display.

With plenty of time to kill until 6pm when we were to meet with Rafaele, our tour guide, and the rest of our party (known only to us as the names Summer, Barry, Gaynor, Darren and Steven on our into pack for the moment) we plumped for another trip into town. Feeling a little braver, we decided on the public boat, and with directions from our hotel porter we set off down the road the short journey to the pontoon under the road bridge where we were to catch the boat.

Here we encountered a widened old man who told us important tales of wars won and lost. Actually he didn’t, he just took to us because we were from England and he knew a bit of English. He apparently lived near the bus stop near our hotel, and was what he called a Chinese Thai, though he said he was born in Bangkok, so perhaps we’ll learn what that meant another time. He also told us the fare for the journey. Remember that 300 baht cab ride? The public boat was 13 baht each to pretty much the exact same point the cab dropped us off. Awesome. 25 english pence for the two of us, as opposed to £6 in the cab.

Anyhoo, we strolled through a market, and decided to visit the Grand Palace. The Grand Palace is the official residence of the King of Thailand, currently King Rama IX. It is filled with beautifully decorated buildings covered in gold, different coloured glass tiles, painted brickwork and plaster. One of the temples is the home of the Emerald Buddha, who despite his name is actually made from jade. Look it up!

There are many different sections to the palace which stretches a long way, including a few museums containing weapons, donated and acquired items of pottery and decoration, pieces of various sections of the palace which have been replaced and are now stored inside for people to see. We spent many hours there, more than we had intended, so when we left we decided to come back to the hotel for our meeting with the group at 6.

After a quick visit to the pool (during which Mrs Tom went into the actual pool, but I refused due to it being ridiculously cold so instead went for the jacuzzi which was mildly warmer) we went down to meet with our new companions. Having seen many potential would be companions throughout the day at the hotel (“that could be them”) we finally met with Summer, an Australian woman who had travelled in from Australia the day before, and Barry and Gaynor, a retired couple from Bedfordshire who had also arrived the previous day. Steven and Darren however were not at the meeting, presumably not yet arrived. Rafaele began by giving us a drink, and then settled into talking about the trip. A lot of emphasis on responsible travel, and some reassurances that he was there to make sure everything was tickety boo is an approximate summary of the meeting. Steven and Darren turned up around halfway through having just arrived following their transfer.

After the meeting we went for a group dinner, where Rafa (as he began referring to himself, so we joined in) took us to a local restaurant just next to the hotel. Having eaten at the hotel the night before I can say the food was much better than at the hotel, and if we needed more evidence the place was full of Thai people. Rafa chose most of the food as we were happy to bow to his past experiences, and we even had a few beers. It was a good evening and a good way for us to begin to get to know each other. Summer didn’t join us at the dinner as she had met another Australian at the airport on arrival, and was meeting up with her in Bangkok to visit the night markets and eat in the city. Apparently that part if town is where one goes for hookers of all types, including those who like a bit of both. She would no doubt have some interesting stories and hopefully pictures to share tomorrow.

We left the restaurant and were in bed by 10:30, again very tired. Tomorrow, Laos.

The flight

Thai air is awesome. Fact. The most legroom on any flight I’ve ever taken, free alcoholic drinks, a great meal (Thai red beef curry), plenty of snacks, free sandwiches on request, the checkin staff arranged for us to have 4 seats so we could lay down. Hands down just the best flight. The entertainment was almost non-existent and the tv screen was poor and a little too far away from us, but everyone only wanted to sleep anyway.

On a personal note, the stomach aching which had started just before our wedding and continued after it, got considerably worse. I visited the little boys room in the sky more times than I care to remember. More sleep was had than any flight I’ve taken before though. Swings, and stomach churning roundabouts.

Day 1

Arrive at BKK. After an hour getting through immigration we find a lady holding a board with something equating to a rough approximation of our name on it, who leads us to some seats and disappears back from where we came. After some considerable time I go to look for her, convinced she’s done a runner, and find her heading back towards us with another passenger. She then takes us outside and plops us on a bus.

Thailand is hotter than expected so the air conditioning is a pleasant surprise. What is also a surprise, though I’m not sure why as I’ve seen it in many places in the world, is that people here, in Bangkok at least, drive like crazy motherfuckers. After a while we deposit the Indian accented lady on the street (who seems less than at ease with the amount of direction given to her destination by our driver), and eventually find our hotel.

Once inside the quality of our hotel is again a pleasant surprise given it’s 3 * rating. We check in and make our way to our room, 629. Some minor problems with the door aside, we finally get into the room and collapse on the bed. Day one pretty much ends right there, even though it is only around 6pm.

Day 2

Given day one’s rather early night, coupled with masses of sleep on the plane, it’s perhaps no surprise that we woke around 3am local time. Around 4:30 I managed to get back to sleep and we then re-awoke at 9:00. Deciding to skip breakfast (my stomach still not right makes me feel not hungry, I’ve not eaten since the curry for dinner Monday night on the plane, though Mrs B had the breakfast) we decided to skip breakfast and lay in a while. The idea of getting here early was to give ourselves a chance to acclimatise and relax before our tour starts officially tomorrow, but properly on Friday. So, we hang around the hotel room until around midday before heading down to reception to change some money. Approximately speaking, a pound buys 50 baht, and the dollars we have buy 30 each. The hotel arranges us a cab into town (after we explain we don’t want to see any temples, or have him take us around, or wait for us, we’re on a tour dammit, we’ll do that when the rest of the group shows up) which they tell us is 300 baht. Seems expensive but we go with it. The chap drops us in town and we start to wander about. What can only be described as an old hag forces bags of dried sweetcorn into the strap of my backpack (my hands clearly displaying the international sign language for “seriously old hag, I don’t want any of your bloody corn”) and it thus drops onto the floor and splits. She goes crazy, and we walk on into a thousand dirty pigeons flying at head height no doubt bound for the corn bounty I’d just left.

After buying an orange juice from a street seller for15 baht (very reasonable I thought, though I did the foreigner thing of letting him take the coins from my outstretched paw so it might have cost me a grand for all I know) we continued to wander until frankly we got bored of doing so. We thought we would go to the palace, but signs outside indicated Mrs B was not appropriately dressed (shorts in case you’re wondering) so we walked on. A man approached us and offered us a trip to a couple of temples for what seemed an incredible bargain. We would see the “big Buddha” (you guessed correctly) and another temple, travelling on a tuk tuk (think moped towing a very small float with a seat for two, all covered with a roof so low you cannot see anything but around waist level all around) all for 20 baht. That taxi ride (and come to think of it now that orange juice) was starting to feel very expensive.

Off we set into a world of crazy driving with the no doubt miltary standard protection of the tuk tuk to keep us safe. After much stop starting and toing and froing we arrived at the first temple. Turns out it is right next to a school, and we were met at the gates by the principal of 9 years who talked us around a little and showed us the way in. This I think was just coincidental, I don’t think he was on the original itinery. A lovely chap who had lived in the US for 3 years, the principal spoke to us for around 10 minutes and showed us into the temple, where we had a quick look around and took some snaps. As we came out we spoke a little more before he bode us farewell.

After returning to the safety of our tuk tuk we drove on, we thought, for the “big Buddha” but as it turned out the driver had a little treat for us. Around 5 I think actually. Taken from tailor to jeweller to trinket shop to tailor to jeweller he sort of got the message across that this was how his gasoline was paid for. Fair enough, though I hope us not buying anything whatsoever didn’t screw that up for him. After finally seeing the big fella, we paid him 100 baht for his troubles (about £2) and then got lost.

Much wandering through areas unknown ensued, and we eventually got a taxi back to the hotel, for 150 baht. The bastards at the hotel had mugged us earlier in the day. Luckily only for around £3. Even according to the “metered taxi fare guide” in the back of the cab 150 was too much, unless the journey was 22km which it certainly didn’t feel like. Maps seem to indicate it’s more likely a couple of miles.

After a quick nap and a freshen up we go for dinner in the hotel, apparently entirely on our own. That’s always a good sign right? Turns out you can eat outside, and that’s what a handful of people had decided to do, the others presumably sticking to the age old rule of thumb “eat where the locals eat.” The food was average at best, and I not being able to eat a huge amount, filled me up more than adequately. The cocktails we had with dinner meant that though our food totalled around £6, the bill was more like £26. Fab.

Another early night was had then, though I did watch my first episode of CSI: Miami before nodding off.